On Grief
Was getting some thoughts down and reflecting on my own experiences with grief. It's a traumatic, awful, frustrating thing that can also bring perspective, clarity, and beauty. Thought I'd share here for those who might need it. It's not a prescribed path. It's simply what I wish I'd known for myself. Maybe others need this, too.
Grief, like life, is a journey and not a destination. It's a major part of how people occupy the space in our hearts and minds when their corporeal form ceases to be what it once was.
So often we get wrapped up in the grand cosmic underpinnings, the metaphysical explorations, the pure science and logic, or even the avoidance of these things, that we forget about the people in our midst. We forget the human connections. We turn inward and put up barriers in an effort to protect ourselves. This can be a pernicious cycle, because it can remove you from the three most important connections of all:
- The one with the person you are experiencing grief in connection to
- The one with the surrounding people through whom the memory and the legacy will continue through
- The one with yourself as you confront what you once thought unimaginable
Maintaining those connections is so important, but need not happen at the expense of yourself. You can take time and care for yourself. You can be a mess or be overly put together. You can have boundaries (though ensure these do not become conditions). About the only real rule is "whatever you do, don't take away from another's process".
Above all, walk the path. Participate in it to the best of your abilities. Get a little uncomfortable - that discomfort is where the growth will happen. And keep pushing. Push forward, push yourself to something greater, push yourself aside when your own agenda and motivations might not be in alignment with needs. And don't forget that tomorrow, sometimes despite (or even in spite of) our best efforts otherwise, will always come.